I talk a lot about being present, being mindful. But a lot of times, that's much easier said than done. Joel and I have been on opposite schedules lately - job changes, working long hours, a lot of personal commitments - all in addition to adding a new puppy to our family. I could feel myself starting to break down and the consistent calm that I can normally connect to in some way, shape, or form was nowhere in sight. I let myself get to the point where I was near rock bottom. I know when I'm reaching this point very clearly - I'm angry. Very, very angry. At everyone and everything. And I can't hide it - THAT'S the biggest giveaway. I'm always the person to say, "If you don't like something, change it." I'm not a complainer and I don't like complainers. So I had to get tough with myself and take my own advice. I had to change something to get myself back on track. I knew I had the tools to dig myself out - I was just allowing everything that was going on and the anger I was feeling to cloud my normally mindful thoughts. A good outlet for me when I'm feeling this way is to write it out. Sometimes I write everything out feeling by feeling. A lot of times I write out a plan that will get me into a better head space. For me, plans are calming! So that's what I did. Here's what my plan said: Daily Routine Morning - Rise at 6 a.m.
That's it. Nothing more, nothing less, no teardrops on the pages. Just a plan. A plan incorporating the tools I know I have in my toolbox, so it was a realistic plan for me to run with. I haven't missed a day since I started, and I hope I never do. Incorporating these practices into my daily schedule have allowed me to feel present in the midst of fast pace surroundings and unpredictable circumstances. I try not to simply look, hear, smell, touch - I aim to see, listen, inhale, feel - be HERE (I share an example of this with the image below). That alone in itself is so important. My thoughts and actions feel more intentional. I feel happier, and lighter, and love myself a little bit more than I did before - which was needed. What tools do you reach for when you're at a breaking point? What items are part of your routine that keep you grounded? I'd love to know! I spotted this bright yellow moth on the door of our garage before leaving for work. I was running behind and had already started backing out of the driveway. But I stopped. This brilliant, florescent moth against our red door was just stunning. I took a deep breath, told myself that it was OK to take the time to fully be present in that moment, got out, and took time to enjoy watching the moth warm its wings in the sun. It was peaceful and beautiful. And guess what? The world kept turning while I paused. I don't regret that brief moment of extra time I took to enjoy that moment.
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Our family has grown by one member! Meet Homer: Homer is a one-year-old Australian Terrier that we adopted from the Cedar Bend Humane Society on Friday, August 4. We originally went in intending to get another German Shepherd, Tango, who was a male version of our current shepherd and favorite girl, Madison. But after seeing Homer (previously known as Joker) and taking him outside for a walk, we were immediately smitten! The good news is, Tango got adopted the same exact night so we got to see him going to a new home as we walked out with Homer in our arms.
All I can say is we got LUCKY. So lucky. Madison was our first adoption nine years ago and she was an angel. We feel just as spoiled with Homer. House trained, social, quiet, playful - and get this - he doesn't need to be on a leash. He sticks right by us at all times. He's our new little buddy that we love very much. A little ray of sunshine that we didn't know was missing from our family. Here's a few more photos of his cuteness since I can't seem to stop taking them...also pictured in a couple shots is our beauty girl, Madison. She's slowly taking to her little brother. Some things just take time! It's a very exciting time on The Farm - our gardens are blooming and producing! The flowers are settling into their new homes and veggies are starting to appear. Pictured above is our fruit/vegetable garden in front and wildflower garden in back. I planted the following in our fruit/vegetable garden this year:
The cucumber trellis I created out of an old baby crib is working really great, so I plan to use it again next year! Our wildflower garden has a large selection of items in it. I don't know what most of them are because I just dumped a bunch of seed packets into a bowl, spread them out and raked them into the soil. Along with the seeds, I did plant a few established plants - butterfly bush, lavender, cone flowers, columbine, queen anne's lace and some other unidentified flowering "ditch weeds." There's a fair share of weeds in this garden as well, but it's intended to be a "wild" garden, so I'm letting it be! In other areas of the yard, my hydrangea (which I planted last year) finally bloomed and milkweed sprouted up, making my Monarch butterfly friends happy. We also planted some herbs in the vertical herb garden I built earlier this year! We've enjoyed one round of mint, basil and rosemary, and it's about time for me to clip them all back another time very soon.
I'm really happy with how everything has come together outdoors this year! It has taken A LOT of time and energy, but has been so worth it. If you have any questions or tips about gardening, I'd love to hear them! We love when we get to spend one-on-one time with our nephew, Max. He makes us so happy just being himself. Energetic, talkative, smart, musical, loving and quite the cutie (as evident in the photos below). Recently, we took Max to Adventureland in Altoona, Iowa. Joel and I hadn't been to Adventureland since we were younger and were looking forward to seeing the park through Max's eyes. Max was eagerly awaiting us when we arrived to pick him up. Bags packed, he was ready to go! He's a good road-tripper as long as you have good music, drumsticks and snacks on hand. We got checked into Adventureland Inn (which was very nice, highly recommend) and hopped on "Molly the Trolly" to head to the park. Max's excitement was contagious and we both felt childlike anticipation for what the day had in store. Holding each of our hands, Max led the way, taking in everything as we entered. Max is four, so I had a little concern that there wouldn't be a lot for him to do. I was completely wrong! On most of the rides, if an adult is along, little ones can hop on. We didn't do any crazy roller coasters or anything like that, but there were a few rides that freaked us out while Max was beside us laughing hysterically! Like the two pictured below: The thing Max was looking forward to the most was the Adventureland Bay waterpark. It was pretty impressive and Max had a blast! He wore a little life jacket so Joel and I showed him how to kick his feet to swim back and forth between us. He also learned a valuable lesson about closing your mouth before jumping in the water! When we were done at the waterpark, we were all pretty beat. We finished up on some rides he mentioned he wanted to try on the road trip down, had some treats and enjoyed a juggling show before we headed back to the hotel. Our hotel room was poolside so we took one last dip to end the day. When we asked Max what his favorite part of the trip was he replied, "Two pools!" And the first thing he said upon waking up the next day was, "That was a really fun day." My heart swelled up to about 10 times its regular size!
Needless to say, it was a fantastic little weekend getaway with our favorite little guy! Joel and I actually want to go back again soon because although there is a lot to do with kids, there's much fun to be had by adults as well! Joel and I have been so busy lately. Running from place to place, event to event for the past few months. We normally land at around 8:30 p.m. each evening, exhausted, but together. We had a single weekend that was open in June, so we took full advantage! We hopped in the car and took a quick overnight trip to Chicago. Chicago is one of our favorite playgrounds. Our country hearts still have a little city edge to them! On this trip, we spent all of our time at Navy Pier for "The Rolling Stones Exhibitionism." We are both huge Stones fans (I recently expressed my love for them in this blog post) so it was hard for us to contain our excitement in the weeks leading up to our visit! There are no words for how wonderful the exhibit was. I'll let the pictures do the talking and just say, if you are a Stones fan like us, make the time to go. It is in Chicago until July 30, 2017. The experience is very personal and you'll leave feeling deeply connected to this band of magnificent men. Here's a sneak peek: On our way back, we decided to "ooze" and took the scenic route. We stopped by Antique Archaeology in LeClaire, Iowa - home of the American Pickers: Our last stop was Coral Ridge Mall in Coralville, Iowa. I needed black flip-flops. I walked out with flip flops...a new swim suit, vintage finds, overalls, etc. I'll post more about what I bought on my Fashion page as I wear each piece!
I've been thinking a lot lately about memories. The legacies we leave. The things we remember about those that have touched our lives. The things they remember about us. I tend to remember the little things. Character traits or quirky actions that are probably missed by most, but to me, are things I look back on and tear up about. Because they are the things that help me remember why that person is special to me and how much I love them. One of the smallest yet significant examples I will share is about the sound of my grandpa's shuffle. I would eat dinner with my grandparents once a week, and today, still eat dinner each week with my grandma. One night after dinner was done and my grandpa left the table to refill his iced tea, I heard the shuffle of his feet and pants dragging on the ground. His pants were a little too long and he was in his socks. In the moment, I thought it was so cute, and realized it's a sound I had heard so many times before, but never really listened to. It's a sound I can still hear. And it makes me miss him so much, but reminds me in a million different ways how much I love him. My sister's laugh. My mom's voice when she's happy. My dad's scent. My grandma's graceful demeanor. My husband's warmth. The way my uncle wraps his extension cords. These are just a few of the countless number of small things that make my heart swell. We're lucky to exist side-by-side on this Earth. Human connection is so beautiful, especially when every inch of it is appreciated - including its flaws. Here's to noticing not only the big things, but the little things, too. I truly believe the little things are keys to knowing and remembering what real love feels like.
I'm getting really excited for Summer to arrive! I spent all Winter daydreaming about the projects I could get to once the snow melted. Two big goals of mine for this year was to get some landscaping done around our house and start a garden. I'm happy to report that both are well on their way to being finished! I started with the garden space, choosing to till two large plots. One for food, one for flowers. Thanks to my amazing uncle Rick who lent us his tiller, my dad and husband knocked out the plots in minutes flat. I also got to try out the tiller, which was fun. I love all of the new equipment I've been able to operate on the farm! (Don't mind my outfit...matching hasn't been my biggest strength lately!) I have some starter plants already purchased for the fruit/veggie garden and scored on seeds for the flower garden. I want happy pollinators in my backyard, so I'm crossing my fingers that both gardens succeed! I haven't started planting just yet. My grandma has always told me to wait until after Mother's Day - and this old wives' tale has never been wrong. The next thing I tried my hand at was laying out plans for landscaping around the house. I had a blank slate to work with. An absolute dream...and nightmare...because the ideas just keep coming! To plan how far out I wanted to go out from the house, I used two main tools: Weed Killer and Spray Paint! I measured and eyeballed how I wanted to lay everything out first. I then used spray paint to draw a line around the house where I wanted the landscaping to reach and sprayed weed killer between the house and the spray painted line. I'm filling in the mapped out area with rock, surrounding several buried pots that I'll fill with flowers. I also plan to build some simple planters to place between the buried pots to add some height variation. I wanted the front yard landscaping to be simple and easy to maintain since we have a lot going on in our backyard (a more "wild/native" plant approach) to support my B's (bees, bats, butterflies, birds). You could say I'm following the "Mullet Philosophy" for our landscaping - business in the front, party in the back! Like the gardens, this is still a work in progress. I'll post a full DIY tutorial on both when they're finished! I'm happy with where we're at for only being at the farm for a year and two months! So much has changed already, with so much more yet to come. We love this little place of ours that continues to feel more and more like home. We don't take a second of country living for granted, and take as much time as we can pausing to give thanks for the beauty it has brought into our lives!
When was the last time you went to a class, just for the fun of it? To learn something new or explore more about something you are already passionate about?
If you look in the right places, there are a lot of free or low cost options in the Cedar Valley that you can (and should) take advantage of! I'm going to tell you about three that I've signed up for recently and will urge you to keep learning by looking for classes you might enjoy! Do-It-Herself Workshops
Gardening Series
Beekeeping for Beginners
Sure, you can look up all of these things online, Google it, YouTube it, etc. - but nothing beats sitting in a room of like-minded people learning about something you're all interested in. You learn from each other as much as you learn from the curriculum. Let me know what classes you plan to or are currently giving a try! I'm writing today from a passionate place. A deep place. One that can only be accessed when loss occurs.
Fortunately, the loss did not impact me directly. Unfortunately, there is a family out there tonight mourning the loss of their husband, father, brother, son. I woke this morning to the sounds of sirens. Which isn't uncommon, even out here in the country. It's not unusual for a Sheriff to fly by, sirens on. But this morning it was different. Siren after siren went by. I didn't find out until I pulled out of our driveway that just down the road a terrible accident had occurred. This accident. I slowed down, trying to figure out how traffic was being directed. I saw some familiar faces including my uncle's, who is a local volunteer firefighter. That brought some comfort to me just before I saw something that will be stuck in my mind forever. As I followed the orders of the policeman directing traffic, I slowly inched towards the crash. From the looks of the whole situation, someone obviously got hurt. Someone did. Someone lost their life. And I saw him. Just before they threw the white sheet over his body. I was shocked. My hand flew over my mouth. My eyes opened the widest they've ever been. I began to sob. This person just died. Moments before I came along. He woke up this morning, saw it was turning out to be a beautiful Spring day, hopped on his motorcycle and carried on with his day. Probably very happy he was able to be on his bike after a long winter. Taking in the morning air. Feeling free, as one tends to feel on a bike. He was ALIVE. And probably feeling very much so. A million things ran through my head after seeing him. I thought about my aunt and uncle who were killed on their motorcycle by a driver who fell asleep at the wheel. That was them at one point. Heartbreaking. I thought about my dad, who has a similar bike. He drives that route regularly. That could have been him. I thought about so many of my family members that have motorcycles who are out there on the roads every chance they get. It could have been them. I felt selfish for grumbling at the most minor inconveniences at work because I was in fact, alive, when a man had just lost his life. I don't want to make assumptions about the person that caused this loss by turning into him. Oh, how I feel for them. They'll have to live with this every single day. I won't throw stones - because that driver could easily have been any one of us. On our phone. Lost in our thoughts. Taking a turn we always take, but on autopilot. Some form of distraction taking place, taking us out of the present, our eyes failing to see what is immediately in front of us. A terrible situation all around. For every single person involved or affected by this loss. Because of what I saw today, and what it made me feel, I felt compelled to issue a reminder: April is Distracted Driving Awareness Month. May is Motorcycle Awareness Month. Take a few moments to learn about these observances and think about how you can help prevent tragedy from happening when you get behind the wheel. Something else that this event made me think about is what should I have done if I had left for work minutes earlier and witnessed this happen? I found a great resource here that talks about what to do if you are the first person on the scene of an accident. Another good thing to think about and have a plan for in case you're ever in this position. Tonight, I'm thinking of the man I saw. Of his family. His friends. The motorist that ran into him. Their family. I'm sending thoughts of solidarity - I know what this type of pain feels like - of comfort, peace and strength. I'll end the way I began: Please, Please, Please - I'm Begging You - Be Aware. I'm having an issue overcoming. A real issue overcoming. The past few weeks have been challenging. At work and at home. Which is the worst because there hasn't been a place to land where I've felt 100% comfortable, safe or content.
A lot of the challenges that I am experiencing have lived within my mind. Internal dialogue that is completely toxic. To the point where I've wished I could pull my brain out and punch it because I was so over everything it was producing without my consent. I've been in a fight with my mind. Trying to protect myself...from myself. The negative back and forth has revolved around the personal deficiencies I've always believed I have. An inability to interact with others without making a complete ass of myself. Coming off as "dumb" (my biggest worry of all). Being unlovable. The list goes on. All of this is amplified by external factors - stress, back-to-back commitments, a resurgence of mice in our house. (I know, EWWWW!) It's been a lot. A lot that I haven't been able to overcome, which has caused explosive frustration, anger, sadness and anxiety. All stemming, ultimately, from what I think about myself and an inability to deal with that. I know I'm not alone in this. I know there are others out there that suffer through this same struggle. But when does it end? Does it have an end? I'm tired of being mean to myself. That's about all I have energy to write about right now. I felt like maybe airing this out in the open would help. I feel like it already has. But in the background as I type, the other side my brain is still working out a plan for what's next. The overcoming part of this whole situation. I know I can do it. But this has been quite the test. I hope in the end this becomes a milestone marking personal progress and growth - not a wound that I patch for now only for it to come back later. Wish me luck. |
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