Love & Marriage

 Being married is my absolute favorite thing in this world.

I'm able to say this with such confidence because my "other half," simply put, rules. He is the most perfect person for me and we continue to grow together in such wonderful ways. 

There are many things about our relationship that make us "work" - but here are a few basic elements that seem to get us through everything:

• ​Teamwork. When we were going through marriage classes our pastor shared a lot of information with us. The one thing that stuck with us was simple, "You're on the same team." He told us a story of an elderly couple that wrote TEAM on a piece of paper and kept it hanging on their fridge throughout their marriage as a constant reminder that although they were two individuals, at the end of the day, every day, they were on the same team. By the end of each day, if we feel like we are on different pages, our ultimate goal is always to figure out how we reposition ourselves to reconvene our position as a team.
• Gratitude. I think "thank you" goes a long way in life, but especially so in marriage. Acknowledgement of what your spouse does to keep you feeling loved, to run the household, to make you proud, to show affection to family and friends - really anything and everything that makes a positive impact - is important. It sounds like an easy thing to do, but to do it right (in my opinion), you have to take time to be very mindful of what your spouse does. Many of the things I express gratitude for are the small things (that ultimately add up to big things). "Thanks for that sweet text, it made my day." "Thanks for taking the dog out and letting me stay snuggled inside." "Thanks for making my family member feel special, my family means a lot to me." "Thanks for making sure that was handled so I didn't have to worry about it."
• Kindness. Marriage is hard work. Joel and I have both expressed this to each other at one point or another...because it's the truth. Not everything is rosy all of the time. There are times when it is really tough to be married to someone so similar and yet so different from you all at that the same time. This is where kindness comes in. Not one of us is perfect. We both have our flaws. But instead of treating each other's flaws with anger, frustration, and hostility - we treat them with gentle kindness. Joel is much better than this than I am, but I'm working on it. In the past, I would have an outburst, followed up with kindness (FORGIVE ME, YOUR PSYCHO WIFE!). Now, I hold my tongue, take a deep breath (or 20), think about the impact my words will have, and find a way to approach the situation with kindness where the end result prompts positive action vs. a negative reaction. Luckily, we don't have many of these moments, but they do exist, and we're both still learning how to navigate touchy moments with kindness.
• Support. When I say "support" I am talking about support of your spouse as an individual. As much as we are a team, there's no denying we are very independent individuals. We are a true case of "opposites attract" when it comes to our personalities, but have always said that is what gives us balance. His outgoing nature prevents me from becoming more of an introverted shut-in than I already am. My fierce focus on moving forward keeps him from living in a van down by the river. We recognize our individual needs, wants, and desires - and support them in each other. I have always believed that if we want to function as the best version of the "team" we've created - we need to nurture and respect ourselves as individuals along the way. He volunteers with me. I go to his shows (when I'm not content being a shut-in...). He humors my chronic planning. I play along with his ever changing musical hero line-up. Our support for each other goes much deeper than this, tied to our core values (which is ultimately why we work so well), but that's a blog post for another day.

I wish you the best of luck in your relationship. Find your own way and acknowledge the things that are working well. Whether you're in a new partnership, a rekindled relationship, or have been together for a long time - no matter what - love is truly a beautiful thing!