The Leadership Struggle is Real

I'm a natural leader who has no desire whatsoever to be a leader. Does this sound familiar to you? Tell me I'm not alone.

I've been looked to as a leader all my life. If no one else is stepping up, I will. It's a sickness, really. I can't help myself. Need a President of a council? You got it. Chair of an event? I'm there. Group leader for a project? My spreadsheet is already laid out.

It just happens. Over and over again. But the craziest thing about it is that I don't want to be doing it at all! Playing the leader is something I accept as my fate, not something I seek out. And I get mad at myself about that. I've been given the tools to be a leader. Somewhere in my DNA a leadership gene is embedded in me. There are people out there who would love that type of gift and here I am wanting to drop it from my hands like a hot potato. To me, it feels less like a gift and more like a curse.

I'm happy as a worker bee, flying under the radar, with little weight tied to the tasks I accomplish. I'm not a negotiator or a presenter or a manager of people. I'm a writer and a designer and a manager of projects.

There's no ladder to climb in my 10-year plan. I think that's what bugs me the most about being seen as a leader and not wanting to be one. I'm happy here. As I am. But others see potential in me. They tell me over and over again that I could do it...and that's when I dig my heels in, "yank my hand back," and remind myself that even though I can do it - doesn't mean I have to or should.

To me, it's not worth it. The extra work, planning, dealing with drama, ANXIETY, etc. Not interested.

Dealing with this "issue" has been a continued learning experience for me. But as of late, I've been paying more and more attention to it, trying to figure out how to move forward. In most cases, I land on:

• It's OK to have these skills and not use them.
• Because you have the instinct to step up, make it a habit to step back. Let others learn to lead - you already know you can.
• Say "No." No - I can't help with that, take the lead, rescue you from your problem (which is the hardest for me to avoid), etc.
• Be honest with others (especially professionally) about where my true strengths lie.

The ruminating on this will continue, but that's good. The path to understanding and expressing ourselves is a lifelong journey. This is my current fork in the road. Happy to be alive and able to delve into these parts of myself. I hope you're doing the same.